Week Three Post Double Mastectomy

3 weeks in and I’m slowly gaining back my stamina. It’s weird when your mind is ready but your body isn’t. In the beginning of the week, I would get super winded easily. On Friday April 29 I had my 2nd expansion and this time they added 40cc of saline. So in total I have 170cc of saline. It’ll never get over how while it looks when they pump it up. I came from tiny boobies to BOOBIES lol. And this time around, it was uncomfortable. Since the tissue expanders are hard, I feel it poking through my skin even more. They’re so hard that they honestly feel like rocks. Also my nipples are really sensitive, but in the most uncomfortable way. It feels like raw skin and the slightest touch is unpleasant. The physician assistant told me that since my nerves are all wild right now, I have to look at it while touching my nipples to rewire my brain telling it that’s it’s okay. But it might take a few months for it to feel “normal” again. Overall, I’m pretty happy with the size right now. I just have to go in one more time and add an extra 50cc so there’s space for them to work with during my second surgery. And I know for sure I’m definitely going to be uncomfortable with the next appointment. I feel like it’s going to be way too big for my portion, and I don’t want it to grab attention. And I know I’ll physically be uncomfortable too. Sleeping on my side is a no deal, but I have my body pillow to the rescue. My husband hates it,  he says it takes up most of the bed. Which is true! But whatever, I need comfort too so he’ll deal haha. But yeah, it’s really uncomfortable and I probably won’t have my next surgery until August/September. What I’m really happy about is that it actually looks normal now and not all deformed. I have scars everywhere now but at least it has a shape. So doing the expansions helped with my mental state.

I also drove for the first time today. I don’t get dizzy or nauseous anymore. I think I get nauseous when I’m in a lot of pain now. But turning the wheel is meh, but manageable. What I do need is those seat belt covers. When I’m in the passenger seat I could just pull the seat belt away from my chest, but when driving plus the expansion, the edges of the seatbelt lays more on my nipples so no bueno. So physically, I’m doing really well other than the soreness from the expansion. I just need to make sure I don’t actually turn into a potato and walk around more.

Mentally my mind is more clear. This experience has driven me to be more healthy. Like eat better, start running again, lift weights, etc. I don’t ever want to feel this weak again. Also, it would honestly be a waste of time doing all this and not maintain my health.  I want to live a more fulfilling life. Like talking about this personal experience to the public is uncomfortable but rewarding to. Because it helped me connect others like me and we’d validate each others feelings. Like my client just had breast cancer and she has no one to talk to. So even though it’s an unfortunate event, I’m happy we have each other and we don’t have to feel lonely. She told me how she can’t really express herself with her husband since he’s been depressed with the situation. Which is a given, but it’s also best to vent out especially with someone you can relate to. So I want to connect with others who are going through this even after I’m done. And keep my love ones closer. And really just do what I want. These are things I already do to an extent. But this really help shed more light. Even though I got really depressed in the beginning, I’m happy that my spirits are getting back up.